Wedded Bliss?

I’ve been thinking a lot about weddings recently.  What with my friend getting married in May 2011 and my cousin in June this year, there has been a lot of wedding talk recently.  While my friend has lived and breathed her wedding since her engagement, has nearly everything organised already (even though, as she told me the other day she still has 61.5 weeks to go) and was one of those little girls who always dreamed of her big day, my cousin has a more laid-back approach to hers.  She and her fiance have a 1 year old daughter so she has less time to plan and stress about her wedding.  She doesn’t have a facebook countdown going on and I think the most important thing for her is to be a family with the same surname as her daughter and make things official.  Not that her wedding will be any less special or meaningful than my friend’s.  So what I wonder is…why does a wedding have to be a stressful, over-the-top event?  How much should you really spend on your day?  And why are there such differing opinions on what makes a wedding?

My husband and I were happy living together before marriage and really the main reason for our marriage was because my parents, being Christian and married for 31 years, believe in marriage and that it’s a sacred thing.  To be fair I have grown up safe in the knowledge that my Dad would do anything for my Mum and vice versa and neither of them would ever conceive of cheating or giving up when times get tough without a fight.  I knew that they would be happier with us being married and not ‘living in sin’.  Another reason was so we would have the same surname when we get around to having kids and when we (hopefully) emigrate in a few years, it will be easier to get in as a married couple.  My marriage certificate and wedding ring don’t make me love him anymore than I did before.  What I do like is that being a wife sounds more official than being a girlfriend.  It does show commitment and that commitment is what a marriage is all about.  I have very strong beliefs about weddings and marriage and it really frustrates me when women get too caught up in being a ‘bride’ rather than a ‘wife’.  The focus should be about your lifetime with your spouse rather than the one day you make the commitment to each other.  My own wedding day was, I guess, a little unconventional.  Originally we were booked to get married in Central Park, NYC with friends and family there and a reception upon our return.  I started to look at wedding magazines and went to a wedding fayre.  Have you ever been to one of those?  Worst day of my life!  It’s basically people wooing you with champagne in the hope you will spend money on their horse-drawn carriage, balloons with both your names on, overpriced photography….blah blah blah!  I realised that my Mum and friend (who had endured this with me) were more into the arranging process than I  was, so I freaked out.  I got home and told the boy it wasn’t what I wanted at all.  Luckily he agreed and now says he is so thankful that I wasn’t some bridezilla who wanted to spend all our money on a set meal and a dj and dress I would only wear once.  You see none of that is important to me.  What was important was that we be together.  To me, a marriage is about the couple not the guests attending.  I wanted our day to be about us.  To go somewhere by ourselves and have the most relaxed wedding day spending the entire day together.  I have heard so many women say “I barely saw my husband on our wedding day.”  Neither of us wanted that.  Our parents were ok with it all and understood that this was what we wanted.  We decided on Vegas because it’s so easy to do over there, I didn’t know anybody who had done it and of course the idea of an Elvis themed wedding totally appealed to me and the boy.  Everything was arranged online about 4 months before.  All we had to do was get our outfits – the boy wanted a kilt.  I would have been happy to get married in my jeans, I mean what difference does the outfit you’re wearing make to the commitment you are making that day?  In the end I settled for a pretty gothic looking prom dress with a black sequin bolero and apart from walking down the aisle at the Little White Chapel with Elvis, I was barefoot.  I did my own hair and make-up and our day was so relaxed and fun!

All in all, I think our entire wedding cost less than some women spend on their dress.  I actually picked my engagement ring so it would double as a wedding ring so we didn’t have the cost of 2 rings for me, when really the ring is not that important.  My entire outfit cost less that £150.  Our wedding meal was at The Cheesecake Factory because it’s somewhere we both like to eat at and with the boy being a bit of a fussy eater, it had lots for him to choose from.  It wasn’t expensive but it was delicious.  The whole day was perfect for us and we did what was important, making the promise to spend the rest of our lives together.  We didn’t have any guests, we didn’t expect presents from anybody, but some lovely friends and family gave us presents anyway even though they hadn’t attended the wedding.

Don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t because the money wasn’t available to us that we chose this option.  We had some savings and both our parents wanted to contribute but why take tons of their hard-earned money to spend on a single day????  It’s ridiculous!  You could put a substantial deposit down on a house with the amount some couples spend on ONE DAY!!!!!  Where is the logic?  I do realise that everyone is different and everyone wants different things.  I realise that I am a little unconventional in my thinking but in this day and age, in the midst of a credit crunch, can anybody justify spending so much money on a single day?  Why do women get themselves stressed over what is supposed to be a celebration of your love for another?  It should be fun not stressful.  It’s insane.  Why do some women need to be the centre of attention on their wedding day?  I hate when you hear a future bride saying “I want this and I want that” – seriously girls, what about your guy?  It’s his day too.  Maybe he wants a casual, less expensive day.  I know my boy did.  Why do we feel we need symbols (a ring, a dress, a cake etc etc) to prove our love and commitment to another human being?  All you need is a boy and a girl and an officiant/pastor/celebrant (delete as appropriate) all the rest are non-essential expensive extras.  

Despite what I’ve just written, I’m not gonna judge anybody who wants a huge wedding.  In fact, I have been to a few very expensive weddings over the years and they have been beautiful and I’ve enjoyed them.   Like I said, each to their own.  I know that there will be many out there that would freak out at the idea of getting married in a black dress in tacky Vegas, but I just hope these girls who do want a big expensive day put as much effort into their marriage as they do into their wedding day.  I think it’s important to remember that you are a bride for a day and a wife for life.

This is a story of boy meets girl…

Once upon a time there was a girl who had wanderlust.  She worked hard and saved all her money, got herself a visa and a flight to visit a wonderful country on the other side of the world called Australia!   She loved Australia and after starting out in Sydney, decided to take a train down to a new city that she had heard good things about called Melbourne.  She loved Melbourne but had the opportunity to go to an island called Tasmania to help out at an animal sactuary so she made the trip over and intended to be there for about 3 months.  Sadly, Tasmania wasn’t what she expected and the girl found herself missing the bright lights and hustle and bustle of Melbourne…so after 4 days, the girl boarded a flight and headed back to city.  She settled into life there and got a job and was living a nice little life not really expecting anything overly exciting to happen.  Little did she know that Cupid had other ideas.  On March 10th 2008, the girl had been enjoying an evening drinking some wine with friends when she found herself in an elevator with a loud, obnoxious, ginger boy who was also from Scotland.  The girl thought the boy was an idiot after he jokingly called her names so she got out the elevator and spent the rest of the night watching a movie.  After the movie, the girl met two irish girls who told her it was a joint friend’s birthday.  She decided to find the friend and wish him a Happy Birthday.  When she found the friend he was outside talking to the idiot from the elevator.  Great!  After an hour or so, everybody started to call it a night and go to bed and the girl found herself to be alone with the boy.  After talking to the boy, she found he wasn’t so bad and was surprised to find out that they lived very close to each other at home.  The boy turned out to be funny, caring and although loud, was very lovable.  That was the night they kissed for the first time.  The girl and boy started seeing each other, taking long walks together, but the girl wasn’t sure she liked the boy as much as he liked her.  The girl didn’t know what to do, but then, a friend told the girl that she was welcome to come along on a roadtrip to the other side of Australia.  It seemed like a sign and the girl said goodbye to the boy, packed up her things and got in the car.  It soon became apparent that the girl was not having fun on the roadtrip.  The days were long and the route they had taken  was sparse, boring and lonely.  The friend who was driving was also very hard to put up with.  The highlight of the trip was when they had to stop overnight at a campsite because it was too dark to keep driving with no streetlights.  That night the girl snuggled in her sleeping bag in the passenger seat, and unable to sleep, gazed through the open sunroof.  It was a magical sight.  Because there was no light for miles and the sky was so clear and pitch black, all the girl could see was endless sparkling stars and the biggest full moon she had ever seen in her life.  She saw shooting stars and could even see the milky way and the moon looked close enough to touch.  The girl wished she had someone special to share this with and she started to miss the boy.  When she got to the other side of Australia, the girl called the boy and asked if it would be ok for her to come back and see him.  The boy said yes.  So the boy and girl were re-united and started going out not long after.  They had a happy time living in a hostel with lots of friends and nights spent in the garden in the warm summer air.  Soon, it came time for the boy to leave.  He had been there a lot longer than the girl and his visa was about to run out.  The boy left with the promise he would return 3 months later.  They spoke on the phone sometimes but the girl missed him terribly and decided she needed to go home and be with the boy.  So she got on a long flight home and the boy was happy to see her.  They went on lots of dates and spent lots of time together and within 3 months the boy had asked the girl to marry him…and she said YES!

The boy and girl decided they wanted to marry soon and as they didn’t believe in big weddings and just wanted it to be about them, they decided to do something fun.  They got on a plane and took a trip to a magical place in the desert called Las Vegas.

And so, on March 10th 2009, exactly a year since the boy and girl met, they were picked up and taken by a limo to The Little White Chapel.  There, in front of Pastor Rodger and Elvis, and with flower garlands round their necks, the boy and the girl promised to love each other forever and became married.

It was a happy day but all too soon, it was time to go home and the boy and girl were sad to leave this magical place. 

A year has now passed and that year has been both tough and happy for the boy and girl.  They don’t have much money and things aren’t as easy as they thought it would be, but the boy and girl have each other and are happy.  On March 10th 2010, exactly a year since they got married in Las Vegas and exactly 2 years since they met in Melbourne, the boy and girl celebrated their 1st wedding anniversary.  They wished that they had time and money to go back to Las Vegas but they didn’t so instead they decided to have a fun day closer to home.

They started out by going to to see a movie that the girl had been longing to see.  It was called Alice In Wonderland and that is one of the girl’s favourite stories.  They decided to see it in IMAX 3D which meant they had to wear silly glasses to see it.

The girl and boy loved the movie.  Afterwards, the boy and girl went to a restaurant called The Butterfly and the Pig.  Inside the restaurant is like being in somebody’s living room and is filled with lots of odd chairs, mismatched teapots and crockery and reminded the girl of the Mad Hatter’s tea party in the movie they had just seen.  Their dinner was yummy.  It was almost time to go home but there was one more stop.  The girl had been told that the first wedding anniversary was also called the paper anniversary and that you are supposed to give your significant other a present made of paper.  The boy and girl had decided not to give presents but the girl came up with an idea!

She had found these paper flying lanterns in a shop and thought they were just perfect for their anniversary night.  The boy and girl stopped on their way home at a place called Blackness Beach to set off their flying lantern.  They wrote their initials on it before it flew away.  It was a magical sight.  The lantern filled up with hot air and flew away towards the stars.  The boy and girl shivered on the beach as they watched it fly for about 2 miles before it faded away.

The boy and girl got in their car and headed home.  It was the end of an amazing day and the boy and girl are looking forward to spending many more anniversaries together.

 

The End